| ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM |
| ***BIO*** Bradley Sands is the author of the novel, It Came from Below the Belt, and the editor of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. His work has appeared in The Bizarro Starter Kit (Blue), Lamination Colony, No Colony, Opium Magazine, Robot Melon, decomP, susurrus, Thieves Jargon, and elsewhere. Visit him at www.bradleysands.com. |
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| © 2009 zygoteinmycoffee Ink. |
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| A Suicidal Amputee Tries to Kill Himself by Rolling Off His Bed, Down the Stairs, Through the Screen Door, and Into Traffic;
Some Dominican Kids Poke Him With Sticks Too, and an Eagle Shits on Him |
| The suicidal amputee's legs are playing a video game. The video game is called God Abuse. It is in two player mode.
The suicidal amputee's left leg is trying to get the amputee to kill himself by rolling off his bed, down the stairs, through the screen door, and into traffic. The suicidal amputee's right leg is trying to convince him that he has everything to live for. The suicidal amputee’s left leg is evil. The suicidal amputee’s right leg is good. The suicidal amputee’s left leg presses up on the control pad to roll him out of bed. The suicidal amputee’s right leg pushes the B button to make him think about the wetness of a hooker’s mouth. The suicidal amputee’s left leg presses down on the control pad to roll him down the stairs. The suicidal amputee’s right leg pushes the Z button to make him think about the cheapness of Baron Rothschild Vodka. The suicidal amputee’s left leg presses right on the control pad to roll him through the screen door. The suicidal amputee’s right leg pushes the B button to make him think about the time he shot a gook in the face. The suicidal amputee’s left leg presses left and then down on the control pad to roll him into traffic. The suicidal amputee’s right leg presses up up down down on the control pad and the X button and the A button and the Y button and the B button to turn the suicidal amputee into a monster truck. The suicidal amputee’s left leg presses left on the control pad to make him crush cars and extinguish lives. The suicidal amputee’s right leg pushes the X and Y buttons at the same time until the drivers’ screams fill his heart with joy. The suicidal amputee’s left leg pushes the start button and the pause button at the same time to make some Dominican kids poke him with sticks and an eagle shit on him. The suicidal amputee’s right leg taps rapidly the B button until he doesn’t care about the Dominican kids or the eagle shit because his heart has exploded all over the black asphalt. |
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| July 2009 |
| 121 |
| by Bradley Sands |
| (for Jereme Dean) |