Is that you, Caleb? Welcome to my studio. You don’t look anything like the picture you sent. No matter! I haven’t got much use for your facial particulars, anyway. Don’t get me wrong, you have a strong face. It’s just…that isn’t the part of your anatomy I’m most concerned with. There’s so much else going on, you see, which is why I’m happy you answered the advertisement. I’m so impressed all three of you showed up! You can never tell with those internet ad spaces, you know. People oftentimes back out of my projects, as if they were too embarrassing. Ha!
I’m sorry, I’ve gotten all distracted. You’re here for a reason. You’re here to make art! And we will.
You can see I’ve already installed the boat. Tethered to the ceiling with threads of teflon fibers, it’s suspended so the bottom hangs four feet above the stage’s floor. The teflon is strong enough to hold the weight of the boat, the eighty gallons of water inside it, and Leanne, who’s going to swim around in it during the recording – nude, of course. Don’t worry, though, we’re going to scrub her down so she’s completely clean. Can you imagine if we didn’t? That certainly wouldn’t be fair to you.
We’ve set up eight cameras around the stage: one to capture the whole scene, one focused directly above Leanne, and two each on the three holes drilled into the bottom of the boat.
That’s where you come in. You, Tim, and Miguel will lie naked under each of the three holes. Once uncorked, the water will pour through, directly into your mouths. You’ll have to continue swallowing, of course, to make sure you don’t drown!
Eventually you will feel the urge to urinate. Now, we can’t stop the boat’s draining once it’s begun. We simply cannot. But this minor problem is actually a wonderful way to push the moment forward. I’ve purchased three suspensory-type garments which will force your penises in an upward position. When the urge to release becomes overpowering and the urine rushes from the body, it will cascade into the air in an arching motion, instead of simply puddling onto the stage.
But you must remain absolutely still during the entire process. Your immobility is crucial.
Once the water has been completely drained and expelled – which I expect to take just under four hours – I will splice the recordings together to get the most artistic view of the performance. It’s a beautiful metaphor, don’t you think? |
