You, too, felt the urge, friend, the vast availability. Sure, you had heard the moralists shouting about porn and how easily the youngsters could get at it. Porn? What did the word mean to you? You weren’t interested in any of that crap anyway. You only used the computer for what was essential to your business. You didn’t have time to look at all that vulgar sex stuff there to lure you in and take your money. It was laughable, the number of horny fuckers who got hooked on that kind of thing. You had actually seen men smile dreamily and speak with enthusiasm of their favorite websites, part of them still there and mentally fondling bare buttocks and breasts, turned on by lasciviously teasing smiles, their attention held as firmly as any models in the bondage scenes. You shook your head with amused contempt.
Until one day – one slow, rainy morning perhaps, when you had no inspiration for the daily business - you took the bait yourself, you mouse-clicked on to one of those sites – on a whim, you called it. A moment’s amusement. The plump, naked brunette with the full lips and sleepy eyes seemed to dare you to take the free tour.
One thing led to another, as the saying goes. You were surprised at the extent and variety of what was available. There were even phone numbers to call or e-mail addresses to contact if you desired to take your fantasies beyond the computer screen. It could be arranged that you could actually meet Bambi, Heather, Pixie or Jasmine, a meeting could be set up and the whole process set in motion by a touch of a few buttons. Modern technology for the masturbator.
You found yourself not attending to business as you normally did – at least not the official business. You found yourself yielding to the sudden urge at all times of the day, for the many possibilities or “scenarios” were right there in front of you; in seconds you could place yourself in a more pleasant, fantasy world. Your hairstyle or your suit didn’t matter anymore; it was what you had in your hand that counted, and could you ever work yourself into a frenzy with that. What the boss would do to tap into that energy for the job, you thought, with a tired laugh.
Yet then came the moments, after the thrills and the temporary satisfaction, when you didn’t feel good about any of it, you felt weak and a little disgusted with yourself. You had yielded to the temptation once again, the man who at one time had dismissed that “temptation” as a waste of time. Who needed it? You had a girlfriend for satisfying those urges.
It’s true, you had broken up with your girlfriend when that life-changing morning came; you had probably felt a little depressed, perhaps even desperate for some temporary relief. Your fingers stroked the computer mouse, nervously. Yes, it had been a disturbing morning with your nerves.
You had, by chance, seen a certain erotic picture advertising a website, and seeing this picture sent you off into a torrid fantasy that startled you, pleasantly, with its sudden power. You realized, for a moment, just how much feeling you had been repressing, lately. Then your finger and the mouse took over.
Now it no longer bothers you as it once did, in the beginning. The hot flame of guilt and secret shame has been reduced to a dim glow somewhere in the back of your mind. Once in a while – after a day of intense “sessions”, say - the light flares up and you are once again sick of yourself for a brief time. Yet it isn’t so bad because you know, now, that the unpleasantness will be brief. It is almost like taking care of your regular business now, a task to be dispatched with, satisfying those demanding urges quickly and efficiently.
Not all the time, though. When time allows, you have become adept at switching sites, slowly building the excitement until that one picture or movie clip brings you to a climax, a hard breathing, red-faced figure slumped in your special office chair made for good posture. There is always some surprise at what is available (and being constantly added!) for the mind at just a few clicks of a button. It makes you laugh, drained and happy for the moment. |
