| ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM |
| ***BIO*** Steve Barker: lives and writes in Seattle. He's an editor for two Seattle literary journals "When it Rains From the Ground Up" (Foundationforthearts.org), and "Letter X (LetterXmag.com)." You can also find his poetry at www.write2die.com |
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| © 2006 zygoteinmycoffee Ink. |
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| What Happened To Us? |
| by Steve Barker |
| Jennifer and I sat across from each other at my small kitchen table. We were both hunched over styrofoam containers filled with a mess of meat, cheese, and beans. It was my twenty second birthday. Just a year earlier we had had a great night drinking Coors light cans in an almost empty dorm room. Things had really gone a stray by then.
I knew she had been cheating on me and I’m pretty sure she knew the same about me. Neither knew the extend of the other. “Thanks for picking up dinner,” I said. “My pleasure,” she said spilling some rice out the corner of her mouth. “I’ve got another surprise after dinner.” “Great,” I said, snatching at my wine. It’s no wonder I had been cheating; the sex had become so boring. She laid down and I went to work. One time she caught me watching TV while we were doing it. It wasn’t like those first couple times anymore where everything was new. We use to explore each others body’s looking for that right spot to make the other person moan. Now, I just shot a load inside her and waited five minutes before I felt it was okay to turn the TV on. “Do you like your tacos?” She asked. “Yeah, best birthday dinner ever,” I said finishing my glass of wine. “When we’re done here I’ll give you your real present.” I refilled my glass of wine and took a huge slug. My kitchen was a mess. Newspapers and empty beer cans covered the counters and the linoleum hadn’t been scrubbed in weeks. I used to have it spotless before one of Jennifer’s visits, but these days I just didn’t care. I knew it was going to end soon, I just had to wait for the right moment. I figured since we had been together over a year she deserved a face to face break up, but that’s difficult when she lived 2 hours away. It’s not like I could take her to Starbucks, dump her then be on my way. I tried once before, but she didn’t accept it. What I mean by that was the tears flew like vultures on a dead raccoon. After 20 minutes of sobbing I took it all back just so she would shut up. My plan was to do it on Sunday at the end of our weekend together. That way she’d have a two hour drive to realize it was a good thing. I never understood why she wanted to stay with me when we had nothing in common, we cheated on each other, we lived two hours away, and the sex basically sucked. Bad word choice because after the first three months she did very little sucking. I finished my tacos and went outside for a cigarette leaving her at the table with half a box of food left. I was two drags into my cigarette when she came outside. “Can I have a smoke, please?” “They’re inside on the counter. Grab my wine while you’re in there.” We smoked in silence and I put down another glass of wine. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing?” I said. “It’s your birthday. You should be happy.” “I am,” I said. I wasn’t. I would have much rather been with my friends. The Thursday night before she arrived they took me to a strip club and got me a lap dance with a smooth caramel girl. She had pigtails and told me I had a firm chest. Strippers were great liars. In the kitchen, Jennifer pulled my empty glass from my hand and walked me to the bedroom. She kissed my neck and pulled at my belt buckle. She had never been very good at taking off my clothes. She was great at taking off her own, but always seemed to struggle with mine. About half way into it I stripped myself as she did the same. She laid back and I got on top of her. After about ten minutes of me plugging into her I released and rolled off. “The game’s about to start,” I said reaching for the remote control. “Who’s playing, baby?” she asked. “Canada and Finland,” I said. It was the winter Olympics, I’m not even sure she knew it was going on. I had always felt embarrassed by her lack of knowledge. “Can you grab me a beer?” I dressed while she was gone. Canada won two to one and she pretended to cheer whenever Canada scored, but it was only because of my hooting and hollering that she knew what was going on. Basically she waited for me too cheer then followed. By the end of the night I was pretty drunk and had passed out fully clothed. The next morning I woke up to a fresh pot of coffee. She handing me a cup while I was still in bed. “What happened to us?” She asked. “Huh?” I said rubbing my eyes. My vision was a little blurry and my mouth tasted like an Italian wine makers foot. “We don’t have fun anymore.” “Can you get me a glass of water?” She went back to the kitchen and returned with a tall glass of ice water. I downed it in one sip. “Want to go out for breakfast?” “Not really,” I said. “What do you want to do today?” “I’m suppose to play basketball with the guys this afternoon. Maybe we can rent a movie after that. Or maybe you can get one while I’m playing.” “I want to watch,” she said sipping her coffee and sliding into bed next to me. Some of her coffee spilled onto the sheet. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “What happened to us?” “What do you mean?” “We use to have so much fun. Remember when we both lived in the dorms?” “Yeah, we fucked in between classes, then got drunk at night.” “The good old days.” “The good old days? I just turned twenty two, I’m too young to have ‘good old days,’” I said. “Things were a lot more fun then.” “You’re not having fun now?” “Not really.” “Then don’t you think it’s time to move on?” “What?” “Well, if you’re not happy in this relationship anymore don’t you think it’s time to see what else is out there?” “What are you saying?” “I think you know. Maybe it’s time for both of us to move on,” I said sitting up straight. “But I don’t want to do that,” she said. I could see a small puddle of water forming in the corner of her eye. “You just said you’re not happy. I thought this would be a blessing.” “I don’t want to break up.” “Things aren’t going to get any better.” She got out of the bed and stormed out the room. This was a regular one of her routines. A test, to see if I’d follow. One night we were drinking in some oil fields in Bakersfield and I didn’t go after her until about an hour later, mainly because I was out of beer and wanted to get more, but didn’t want to leave her out there. I found her curled up in a ball crying. I apologized for whatever I had done just so she’d get in the car and I could get another six pack. This time I didn’t follow. I got up and took a shower. I rubbed one out in the shower just so I could take off the sex blinders while breaking up with her. If sex wasn’t involved we would have broken up a long time ago, even if it wasn’t that great. That’s what she never understood; besides fucking her I got nothing from the relationship. And I had realized that I gave myself more pleasure then she did anyway. She always told me I had magical hands and boy did I understand that. I put down the last three beers in the fridge and smoked a few cigarettes while listening to the radio. I decided to walk to the corner for another six-pack, but as I was walking out the door I found Jennifer on the front steps. “Hi,” I said. “I’m going to the corner for beer and smokes. Need anything?” “Can I come with you?” “Sure.” We walked side by side down the street. She tried to put her arm around me but I pushed her away. She kept her eyes on the ground for the rest of the walk. When we returned to my place I put five beers in the fridge and kept one for myself. “What happened to us?” She asked. “Nothing happened,” I said pushing my beer can up to my face. “I think it’s just over.” “But we’ve had so many great times.” “Name one.” “Remember the weekend at your parent’s house while they were away? We sat by the pool, played checkers,” a single tear spilled down her cheek. “That was one of the best weekends of my life.” “I remember getting drunk and fucking in the hot tub and on the kitchen counter,” I said trying not to laugh. “We really don’t have anything in common?” “We like the same movies,” she said. “Yes, but we also both like cheese burgers. That’s not a reason to stay together.” “Baby, don’t you understand, that’s what couples do. They eat together, watch movies together. We keep each other company.” I shook my head and put my beer down on the sports page from last week. “You want to stay with me just so you’re not alone?” I reached back at my beer. “I don’t mind being alone. I can watch movies and eat by myself. I always imagined my girlfriend would be someone who liked the same music as me. Someone I could go to shows with and talk about books with. What was the last book you read anyway?” “Harry Potter. I lent it to you, remember?” “Oh yeah, it’s holding up my coffee table.” “See you don’t like the same things I do.” “Exactly. It’s not like were going to be together forever. Why not end it right now?” She moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I could feel her tears soaking into my t-shirt. “You don’t see yourself with me in five years?” “No, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Plus I know about you fucking around behind my back.” “What? I’ve never done such a thing.” “Don’t lie to me. I’ve read the e-mails. I never said anything before, because I’ve been doing the same thing. Remember when my friend Mitch came to visit me from Boston?” “Yeah.” “That was really my friend Michelle.” “I can’t believe you’d do that to me,” she said pushing herself away from me. “You’ve been doing the same thing. You’re pretty predictable having Molly as your password. A pet’s name is the most common password,” I said. “I’ve read your e-mails with Tom and with Brad, so don’t pretend that you’re not a slut.” “Whatever, I guess you’re right,” she said then franticly starting digging through my draws and closest pulling out anything that belonged to her and throwing it into a pile. “Fine, I’ll get out of your life forever. Don’t worry about me.” “I won’t. I’ve got that basketball game in an hour. Do you think you’ll be gone by then?” “You’re such an asshole,” she said pulling a coffee mug from my cabinet. “I’m taking this back.” “Go for it.” After about half an hour of her digging through my apartment she gathered her things together and I gave her a grocery bag to store them in. She left soon after and I didn’t hear from her for three days, then she called and I didn’t pick up. She sent me a few e-mails, which I never responded to and finally they stopped. By the time the Canadian hockey team won gold, it was over, and I was free. |
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| Sept. 2006 |
| 67 |