| ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM |
| ***BIO*** My name is Josh Olsen. I am a 27 year-old English instructor at both
the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor and Wayne State University-Detroit |
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| © 2006 zygoteinmycoffee Ink. |
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| I Was a Teenage Kleptomaniac |
| by Josh Olsen |
| I stole Corona shakers from Red Lobster, latex gloves from the doctor’s
office, CD’s from Sam Goody, floss from the dentist, Kwik Trip gift certificates, scented candles from K-Mart, but my favorite was always yard decor. Ceramic bunnies and whitetail fawns, the typical garden gnome or the occasional lawn jockey, available in traditional blackface or the contemporary caucasian, both dressed in the universal red jacket, white riding pants and red cap to match. Then the snow buried the standard clearance rate merchandise, and out would flood frontyard decadence, particle board Santas, porcelain candy canes, plastic snowmen, animatronic reindeer, and the manger scene, fully equipped with anatomically correct wisemen, livestock, and Yeshua himself, little innocent holy glo-in-the-dark, with fog lights in his face, begging to be pilfered. In my closet was a virtual choir of "Jesi", Stormtrooper Jesus, Truman Capote Jesus, Gene Simmons Jesus, complete with face paint and bloody tongue, young Elvis Jesus, Ultimate Warrior Jesus, Old Elvis Jesus, and of course Black Jesus, available in red bone or mandingo. But my favorite was always my Jesus Jesus, untouched and left in his manger, a dresser drawer, and wrapped in a baby blanket. It was him I always turned to, to forgive me for all the shit I stole. |
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| Oct. 2006 |
| 68 |