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| ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM |
| ISSUE #28 $O.OO |
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| Dec. 2004 |
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| ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM |
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| © 2004 zygoteinmycoffee Ink. |
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| A Piece of Memorial Day Ass |
| by Brian Fugett |
| there is an ass in grandma's german potato salad again. it is a plump cellulite dimpled slab of buttock with just a hint of pubic textured rectal hair peeking up from its puckered sphincter. "grandma," uncle john says, "what's this ASS doing in the potato salad? It ain't even suitable for a pair of soiled Huggies, let alone a Memorial Day dinner! What does a man have to do to get a decent piece of ass around here these days?" uncle john excuses himself from the table & stalks out the front door, slamming it behind him. everyone else at the table tenses with disbelief. the last time someone criticized grandma's cooking she went on a prozac & geritol bender that sent her reeling into a plant killing frenzy where she stalked the neighborhood gardens & flowerbeds uprooting every daisy, buttercup,& daffodil within a 3 mile radius. she showed no mercy & spared nothing, not even the dandelions. i glance over at grandma. a sob escapes her pouting lips as her eyes fill with tears. hoping to avert another neighborhood catastrophe I decide to intervene: "it is not a perfect ass, at least not by the fashion industry's standards. but if you tilt your head ever-so-slightly to the left it looks just like a pair of very pale easter eggs. now let's eat. i'm starving." grandma smiles & the rest of the family breathes a collective sigh of relief. we say 'grace' & commence with the Memorial Day ass-munching. |
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| ~the EDITOR--circa 2004 |