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| ***BIO*** Scott Malby: To quote James Murray: *I am a nobody. Treat me as a solar myth, or an echo, or an irrational quantity, or ignore me altogether.* Scott's E-book "CRAP" can be found here: www.blazevox.org/books/malby.pdf |
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| © 2005 zygoteinmycoffee Ink. |
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| Dear Esteemed Rich Person
or the 591 Nigerian Cyberspace Shuffle |
| by Scott Malby |
| Though your wallet is a window I would fly through I have no use for your money as we are all naked in the eyes of the lord of providence who brings us each day closer to the whirlpool that is the backyard of death's decaying temple of concrete monstrosities built at love’s expense into shapes of remembrance we pay caretakers a fortune for prayers too come at a cost, especially if we are not loved in this world and crooked and smelly the purgatory traveled through seeking relief in the making of words we count on being said or wailing sung by those at the doorway of time's crypt of snow and forgetful ceremonies but to know someone is praying for us would be a benefit that might give light to the lost and guide us to the road leading to the face of god which is a long shot I admit but relevant in the maelstrom of the ultimate shocking real death experience eased by the greased lightning of our prayers on your behalf which is affordable and can be obtained at a fraction of what they are actually worth when an account is set up in your name in heaven but paid for to me on this side of the great divide which would avoid your own panic in finding that everything was not provided for when it could have been through the kindly offices I am now offering at great personal trouble and tribulation because I too was once alone and friendless at deaths door but was given a second chance which is the chance I am now offering you as it was offered to me when I least deserved it but after promising to intercede on behalf of you I was given another name and life and filled with the secret words that assure your living for at least fifty years more and not in a home for old people or in a hospital where you're more dead than alive and strung up to a heart and lung machine and forced to piddle through a plastic tube inserted painfully up and into your personal urethra and you know that everyone visiting you is staring at that plastic bag at the side of your bed filling with your own urine as you beg for a sip of water and you know the foulness of your own breath is turning everyone off which can be averted if you allow me to suffer for you instead by taking your place in spirit by reciting a few sacred words at a penny a word strung out into a perpetual hymn which amounts to only a couple of dollars a day with every third day free allowing you the freedom to travel or just stay at home relieved in knowing that you will be in the best state of health while I do all the suffering for you because you were wise and holy and knowledgeable in paying in advance to me not for myself but on account to be used for the benefit of all humankind and specifically for you when you can't do it for yourself so set up your account now before it is too late because I have been inundated with so many requests I have only a little of free space that I am dedicating solely to you as soon as your check and loving request arrives that I may help you not rot out from inside. |
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| July 2005 |
| 44 |