this is oh so blue
                              A MAGAZINE OF FICTION, POETRY & MORE!
black       
                                            this is black shadow
     ZYGOTE
            IN MY
                COFFEE.COM

ISSUE #4
 
  $O.OO
FEB. 2004
___________















Fastidious boring mind-suck so slow existence
and i drink her whisky and with coke too
and smoke roll ups in the house but it doesn't
smell too bad the smoke
and the dog is asleep in the cage and she left
me a note on the table by the sofa which said
she couldn't find my phone and she loved me and
was looking forward to a snuggle and i am supposed
to go and play snooker with Stuart today this
afternoon and he used to be famous for a while
played the Reading Festival with his band
but now he smokes a lot of dope and sits at home
and sometimes takes cash in hand work
building fences for people and i cannot find the next
word but i watched a very interesting programme today
in which Michael Palin travels from pole to pole and
he was in Russia drinking vodka with these men who
were making a film about catching crayfish
and he was getting drunker and drunker on camera
and the camera
was zooming in on him and he couldn't understand
what the Russians were saying because he didn't speak
the language but that is just a part of my day and
i drink my whisky and smoke my roll ups and just
read something on the net here about Hinduism and
a little bit by the Dalai Lama where he says the enemy
is within and that it is possible to love everyone
and to just let the words flow
which
would be such a relief to me and to be able
to talk naturally and have confidence in the things
i say and do and for my posture to not give me such
problems and to get rid of my past in its horror of
mother drinking and the sun burst in like an unwelcome
stranger and i think of Raymond Carver writing those
clean lines and then that young death and the way
of my father and his hands which have these little white
bits of dry skin between his thumb and forefinger
and the way he gets this lunatic white saliva
around his mouth when he gets excited
and just to write
and write with no response but to get rid of all the pain and
the regret and the formality and just embrace a sort
of comedy and singing that is full of everything
spectacular oh wow this folds into me like summer
and i don't care if the words are bad or lousy or
unoriginal and i don't want to go mad
and i will never take drugs again in my life
and i will smile more often
and i will only say what i believe in
and i will find something to believe
in
and read Walt Whitman more closely and
what will happen when i take the job in Safeways
with my brother and my sister and how
will that make me feel about what i have
achieved in my life and when will the time come
when i can write unselfconsciously and free
and just make some sense
and just make some sense
and
just make some sense of what it is i need to make
sense of in order to be some sort of
functioning individual with a bucket full of
rain drops and tear drops and silent
wish to fly and the next
few hours are the next few hours
and Einstein and the Brahmin are asleep
in the cherry orchard dreaming of spheres
and light showers and light travels at a particular
number and they
say we will have colonies on mars
and i cant live in my room without worrying
i never was much good at anything much.
            
                     
Home
ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM
Rant
by Michael Aziz
*click here for Michael's BIO