| ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE.COM |
| ***BIO*** Mike Gustie believes his poetry should be considered Fanfiction about Existence and spread across the internet by 15-year-old girls who read manga. All his future poems may be published on quizilla, fanfiction.net, or an obscure usenet forum dedicated to sexually ambiguous cartoons. |
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| © 2007 zygoteinmycoffee Ink. |
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| Nonsense for Breakfast |
| by Mike Gustie |
| Like Pee-Wee Herman, I have jury-rigged
a Sunday breakfast apparatus. You would turn green to see it. My cat, each morning, kneads his paws on my stomach, waking me. I have tricked him. I have installed a false wall behind which I really sleep. My cat is kneading me in effigy, but he activates a sensor which sends a phone call directly to God, and hangs up automatically when He answers. Now there are two eventualities: If God answers, the machine is rigged to hang up. God invariably calls back on my cell phone. He says, “Yes, Michael, what do you want?” To which I reply, “I told you never to call me this early.” To which he replies, “Breakfast again?” “Yep,” I say. He gives me falafel. If God is gone on vacation or something, the phone rings continually until Mrs. God answers. Always the felinophile, she starts petting my cat with a disembodied hand. My cat freaks out, runs into the kitchen, scaring my hamster. The hamster, kept in a cage with a treadmill floor, begins to run, manually grinding my coffee beans. It’s around this time that I get up. By this time, the cat has discovered the hamster, who runs his heart up to at least 500 bpm trying to escape from the cat. The hamster dies of a heart attack. I stuff the hamster in my toaster and put on a pot of coffee. |
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| Jan. 2007 |
| 77 |